Good evening everyone,
I pray this finds everyone doing well. I so want to share my heart with all that God has been doing.....
After finishing my 3rd chemo, it was by far my most difficult. More throw up, nausea everything. During that time I reach my lowest point yet. I was in the bed, throwing up with my bald ugly head and all I could think was "not only do you look like an animal you sound like one too"...I made the comment to Ken, who was by my side helping me, "I will never take this drug again". I crawled into bed thinking about when the Children of Israel ask the LORD, could He prepare a table in the wilderness. I know the answer to that, Yes! But I didn't like this place of complete stripping. No dignity just humility. But isn't that where the Lord wants us? The next several days later I would say, "I will never take this drug again". Every time I would say this there would be a piercing of conviction in my heart. When I recognized this I ask the Lord, "why can't I say this LOrd, I don't want to take this again" He responded with

Ja. 4:13 "Come now, you who say, today or tomorrow, we shall go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit. Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, IF THE LORD WILLS, we shall live and also do this or that. But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do, and does not do it, to him it is sin."

Wow! Who am to say I WILL not do this drug. I do not have any rights on my life, they belong all to my Lord. I have been purchased by the Blood of Christ, I do not belong to myself. I immediately repented of such arrogance. I began to study this word "arrogance"-an empty assurance, which trusts in its own power and resources and shamefully depises and violates divine laws. The word "evil" is very interesting...an evil heart such as in distrusting, full of hardship. God in His love for us knows that when we choose our will be done, it is a road full of hardship and disobedience to Him which will never bring blessings only seperation. As I studied more I began to see a connection between pride and deception. The very sin that brought about the fall of man continues to cause men to fall. Our pride is a road paved with deception that brings heartache, labor and loneliness. He has promised to never leave us or forsake us, but how often do we leave Him chasing after our Wills being deceived that it will bring us fulfillment and joy. There is no joy found when we seek our own wills. The more I see this, the more I thank God for that picture I have of me throwing up making grunting noises. That is me in my truest sense without Christ. The only beauty in me is Christ. The only worth in me is Christ. Therefore, the only worth I have is HIm! Not only does this prepare me to live in the here and now but also until I see His face. I pray this truth will be so wrought in me. To live my live in such a way that He is my only treasured possession.......the very thing I hated has brought me freedom.

When I had my 4th chemo I finally tried new nausea meds. They Worked!!!!! No nausea, throw up nothing! I was praising the Lord thanking HIm and thinking back on my other treatments. I never had a peace about trying the new meds until that 4th chemo. The Lord knew in His infinite wisdom that I needed to be stripped! That more of me needed to decrease and more of Him increase. He reminded me of 2 verses.....

Ps. 18:19 "He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me."
Luke 18:7 "now shall not God bring about justice for His elect, who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them speedily." God did rescue me speedily, not allowing me to stay in the pit any longer than necessary. I praise God for Him being sovereign over my fire. I pray that will encourage those who are in the fire themselves. God will not allow you to be there any longer than is needed. His eye is watching you and He hears your cry. His hand guides the temperature gage and He will not allow us to be burned!!!! The good that will come forth will be worth it!!!! God deliberates our refining with such love and care. His love for us commands His presence to stay with us and not leave us. The work that is done in the fire will bring about eternal fruit!!! This is where our hearts rejoice and pray "Your kingdom come, Your Will be done on earth as it is in heaven....for all power and glory and dominion belong to You." Knowing His incredible love for us makes us not afraid of His Will whatever it may look like.

Finally, how do we guard our hearts in such a way that we are not deceived by our pride? Ps. 119 " I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against Thee"
Heb. 5:13 For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil"

May we live in the Word! Daily talking to God about everything and seeing what He has to say about it. Even if we find ourselves not interested in the Word, tell Him. He will stir your heart "to will and want His good pleasure" Phil.

I praise God for you my sweet brothers and sisters in Christ. Thank you for your love, prayers and encouragement. I pray somehow these truths may encourage you as they have me........May we all decrease to the place where the only thing that is left is a reflection of God's Son!
love you all, sherri


I don't begin my new drug until Dec. 1........